I am always uneasy about being back in the place where I was born and spend my very happy childhood in. Most of my memories from the part of my growing that was spent in Almaty are filled with sunshine and happy memories, which I am foremost thankful for to my parents, granddad and aunt and uncle. I know that despite the rays of sunshine and unicorns in my head, the conditions we lived in were far from ideal. Nonetheless, I have always had access to great people, clean air, fresh fruit and nature. As I got older and moved away the fresh fruit became expensive or hard to attain, the air became so so SO dusty and the people mostly stayed or moved closer to me. Coming back to Almaty has always been fascinating, like going into a world with real people and real interactions. Whereas in my everyday life things seemed a lot more slow-paced, with darker dramas and darker moments of happiness, most of the memories, somehow seem to have been under a layer of bitterness. After my first 2 years away, I've realised that I didn't really know how to be around many of my Almaty friends. The first 2 years marked the beginning of the stray in our development paths. I admired my friends in Almaty, but never knew what to do or say and felt very bulky about myself. I felt everything was wrong until many years later I haven't forced myself to socialise with more people as much as possible. Which I have also enjoyed and then I finally learned and understood how to be around them. In other words, I realised that people are people and me is me, so I started bursting out my world everywhere I went no matter what. I guess, maybe, the mentioned bitterness came from the feeling of not feeling free anywhere.
So, as said, it is weird to see that the people who you started life with in the same city are now noticeably different to you in many of their views. It is weird to come back somewhere that will forever be a part of you and not know if you're still a part of it. I know that some of my friends have or will move and we will stay close. I guess for the rest, as I once was told "we should just make the most of our time" and see where it goes next.
Nonetheless, being here is always a source of motivation. Being here always gives me what I'm looking for. Today it's confidence.
So, as said, it is weird to see that the people who you started life with in the same city are now noticeably different to you in many of their views. It is weird to come back somewhere that will forever be a part of you and not know if you're still a part of it. I know that some of my friends have or will move and we will stay close. I guess for the rest, as I once was told "we should just make the most of our time" and see where it goes next.
Nonetheless, being here is always a source of motivation. Being here always gives me what I'm looking for. Today it's confidence.
