For some reason Tears in Heaven seems to be the soundtrack of my thoughts right now. What thoughts and why? I don't know... things have been spiralling recently. I'm quite lost and confused and alone. I don't think that even I am here for me. There are many me's lost around everywhere. I broke up with him and that was my decision (sound track mixes with Your Decision by Alice in Chains). The little part of stability, that was present in my life seems to have been shattered. What for? That is the question. A part of me is very happy and wondering why I haven't done this earlier, the other part is completely lost and once again sees a little delusional girl facing the world, always having hopes, naively believing in people and the potential for a connection. It's always all bullshit and we are born alone and die alone, confusion is normal, maybe one day I can be a good physicist and use my lack of any fucking human relationship to focus on physics. If my brain is even wired that way. So far it seems that all it's wired for is depression and self indulgence in a pit of decisions and loneliness. I don't know if I am what people define a "good person", I do know that I'm too much and too self-indulgent. Maybe I should fix that... focus on face smashing and maths. Disappear in those realms. Fuck off. Get lost and stop. fucking. indulging.