среда, 25 сентября 2013 г.
понедельник, 23 сентября 2013 г.
UNTITLED
Отсутствие новостей- хуже всего, бездействие, нехватка событий, впечатлений.
When all is quite at the western front the craziest shit goes down in my head. The craziest shit that turns it all into grey. all is idle. all can go screw itself, cause any emotion is better than no emotion- so it turns into anger. I guess. Until even that is used up by my adhd brain that no longer can packen what the fuck is going on where I am and what my life is. It's that point when I no longer know what was there before and it seems like there is no after- seems like that moment and state are eternal. Does this all go back to the supposed belief that humans respond better to pain and sorrow? No. When I'm happy- I'm happy and that is eternal.
And so it goes on and on and on in my mind- there hasn't been much around other than my mind lately, so for all it seems, it is everywhere and that is all there is.
And it's that much worse, when you know that it could and should be better.
When all is quite at the western front the craziest shit goes down in my head. The craziest shit that turns it all into grey. all is idle. all can go screw itself, cause any emotion is better than no emotion- so it turns into anger. I guess. Until even that is used up by my adhd brain that no longer can packen what the fuck is going on where I am and what my life is. It's that point when I no longer know what was there before and it seems like there is no after- seems like that moment and state are eternal. Does this all go back to the supposed belief that humans respond better to pain and sorrow? No. When I'm happy- I'm happy and that is eternal.
And so it goes on and on and on in my mind- there hasn't been much around other than my mind lately, so for all it seems, it is everywhere and that is all there is.
And it's that much worse, when you know that it could and should be better.
воскресенье, 15 сентября 2013 г.
:D
Если бы мы жили на Марсе,
Нас было бы двое- ты и я.
Мы бы жили в просторной вилле
На краю Зеленной Долины.
Летали бы на огненных птицах,
Видели б сны через ресницы- не веря им.
В наших золотых глазах
Отражалось бы необъятное марсианское солнце,
А наши легкие были бы всегда наполнены
Разряженным раскаленным газом.
В наших жилах текла бы ледяная кровь.
Мы были бы чуть меньше нами и чуть больше ими,
И никогда б никого не любили.
Нас было бы двое- ты и я.
Мы бы жили в просторной вилле
На краю Зеленной Долины.
Летали бы на огненных птицах,
Видели б сны через ресницы- не веря им.
В наших золотых глазах
Отражалось бы необъятное марсианское солнце,
А наши легкие были бы всегда наполнены
Разряженным раскаленным газом.
В наших жилах текла бы ледяная кровь.
Мы были бы чуть меньше нами и чуть больше ими,
И никогда б никого не любили.
четверг, 5 сентября 2013 г.
The Secret World of Midnight Confessions
Truth is...
No matter how scary it is to let go, it isn't the experience that matters, not the events that were once present in our lives, not their seeming current absence, not the people around us (although it is harder without them), not who we were once and how we once acted- it's what we make of the time and the adventures that we had, it's how such had affected us and transformed us...what we make of the new ME.
Letting go is hard, because, as it turns out, even after 10 years here I'm still scared. Apparently Almaty is still my comfort zone...who would have thought? Heh, in that case I'm grateful for the opportunity to test myself, to be out of my comfort zone, constantly, after all, I've realised that really, that's what I'm into;)
Maybe that's why I turn into a psychotic, homicidal (although that's more so just perks of being Poli), germophobic, bipolar bitch when I'm in Vienna? Although, I haven't lived lived anywhere else for a long time, so I can't objectively judge this situation. Of course, the place where one lives and attends education or works is always going to have a different place in one's mind then the place where one goes on holiday... but, that doesn't have to be this brutal.
Wien, let's start getting along for real this time, please? :)
No matter how scary it is to let go, it isn't the experience that matters, not the events that were once present in our lives, not their seeming current absence, not the people around us (although it is harder without them), not who we were once and how we once acted- it's what we make of the time and the adventures that we had, it's how such had affected us and transformed us...what we make of the new ME.
Letting go is hard, because, as it turns out, even after 10 years here I'm still scared. Apparently Almaty is still my comfort zone...who would have thought? Heh, in that case I'm grateful for the opportunity to test myself, to be out of my comfort zone, constantly, after all, I've realised that really, that's what I'm into;)
Maybe that's why I turn into a psychotic, homicidal (although that's more so just perks of being Poli), germophobic, bipolar bitch when I'm in Vienna? Although, I haven't lived lived anywhere else for a long time, so I can't objectively judge this situation. Of course, the place where one lives and attends education or works is always going to have a different place in one's mind then the place where one goes on holiday... but, that doesn't have to be this brutal.
Wien, let's start getting along for real this time, please? :)
вторник, 3 сентября 2013 г.
The Eternal Sunshine of the Restless Mind
2.30 and since I don't have to wake up any time tomorrow, I will make the most out of this opportunity regardless of the fact that I've been battling sleep as of 10pm today--> RATIONAL. but whataboo, it's kind of nice in this mellow state, when I'm not reeeeally capable of thinking clearly (HAH! WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEND?!) but yeah, worse that usual, so that's interesting:) food for thought- maybe that's how it should be? yeah, no, maybe a balance. also to anyone who actually comes across this, hehe, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
So, there is no exact reason for this post- I had a spur of creativity (initially) and as it now turns out such goes hand in hand with mind pouring out on here :D
Anyway, I was going to post something creative, like a story or some shit like that, obviously it wouldn't be an actual proper story cause I wont be able to concentrate on the plot for a long enough period of time, neither will I be able to commit to it. which is actually the same thing, almost.
I was just watching "Take Me Home Tonight" and well it's nice, not so cliché story about a post-uni high school class reunion party with the Erik from That 70's show, who, by the way, looks smockin' hot now- him and Mila Kunis really used the 10+ years for their benefit (poli approved). Anyway, so they go to this huge party...parties, this is all set in the 80's which makes it that much more awesome. The movie is generally very fluffy and fun- easy not so cheesy, or annoying rom-com, dynamic, well enjoyable. What, I'm a movie critic now? Fuck yeah! Anywho, so I was thinking that random hook-ups, taste like alcohol and hang overs. Yes, this isn't new, but, generally that just makes this whole thing that much less enjoyable :/ meh. Here's to staying away from (or minimizing their involvement in my life, cause I mean, sometimes I feel that this life is all a lost generation-party it up with coke and booze cause it aint going to work otherwise as 90% of people here are shallow and empty sort of necessity life style) drugs- weed, alcohol and random hook-ups/one night stands(NONO).
Good night! May all your ponies eat rainbows and poop butterflies
So, there is no exact reason for this post- I had a spur of creativity (initially) and as it now turns out such goes hand in hand with mind pouring out on here :D
Anyway, I was going to post something creative, like a story or some shit like that, obviously it wouldn't be an actual proper story cause I wont be able to concentrate on the plot for a long enough period of time, neither will I be able to commit to it. which is actually the same thing, almost.
I was just watching "Take Me Home Tonight" and well it's nice, not so cliché story about a post-uni high school class reunion party with the Erik from That 70's show, who, by the way, looks smockin' hot now- him and Mila Kunis really used the 10+ years for their benefit (poli approved). Anyway, so they go to this huge party...parties, this is all set in the 80's which makes it that much more awesome. The movie is generally very fluffy and fun- easy not so cheesy, or annoying rom-com, dynamic, well enjoyable. What, I'm a movie critic now? Fuck yeah! Anywho, so I was thinking that random hook-ups, taste like alcohol and hang overs. Yes, this isn't new, but, generally that just makes this whole thing that much less enjoyable :/ meh. Here's to staying away from (or minimizing their involvement in my life, cause I mean, sometimes I feel that this life is all a lost generation-party it up with coke and booze cause it aint going to work otherwise as 90% of people here are shallow and empty sort of necessity life style) drugs- weed, alcohol and random hook-ups/one night stands(NONO).
Good night! May all your ponies eat rainbows and poop butterflies
Fuck Fuck Fuck
Fuck Fuck Fuck--> 10am termine at the Bundesministerium für Unterricht Kunst und Kultur... I spent 10 minutes looking for my Meldezettel and an still waiting for the ubahn...please all be good!!!!
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