So I woke up- no voice almost
Inbox from one of the poets complaining... because I'm incompetent(he didn't say that)
четверг, 27 июня 2013 г.
Regrets?
среда, 26 июня 2013 г.
Maybe, animals live in the zoo
It requires a special mind-set for me to listen to Russian rap: 1- I am slightly sad 2- I feel like a mafia boss/street fighter=macho man, or both.
Also, why can't Vienna weather get its shit together? Seriously, this has been going long enough and has totally affected the strawberry crops... which is most tragic, cause strawberries don't like to be flooded... so why Vienna, why??? Sun, please be here.
Finally, why are people such whinny bitches (ironic coming from the author of this blog), I actually mean, complicated whinny bitches. So I've been trying to organize this event for the past 3-4 months. It is mean to take place next week and it should involve musicians and poets from St. Petersburg, Kiev and Vienna. Thing is, that for the past 3 months I've been desperately searching for donors: e-mails, phone calls, meetings, me coming to people and proposing this idea... it has been challenging and most definitely had been the milestone in causing my rant about people in general and Austrians in particular. So after all this time we have a budget of about 250 euros and 4 people from the ex-Soviet Union countries to bring to Vienna. Which actually somehow may work. Thing is, I have only realized this brilliance rather late: some of the said participants still need visas, others think of us as billionaires (which we could be, but you know not in terms of the said event).
I feel like I've messed up:
1 --> At the beginning of our adventure, back on April 11th, we had a meeting with two potential investors: Raiffeisenbank representative and UPF- whereas the bank guy was merely curious and found our idea interesting and couldn't finance us, however promised to help and later assured me that he had gotten us a deal with the other bank sector that would easily provide us with money (1 grand, so heaven practically)- didn't happened, instead I have wasted a whole month chasing after them and delusioned myself, in the end received a very bitter and harsh answer that has once blankly and once more indirectly (there were two guys that I have talked to) told me that they were not interested.
UPF, on the other hand, have been very eager to help us from the get go. They offered us 600 euros in exchange for our consultation during a few of their meetings. Now at the time we wanted 1000-1500 euros and most importantly I was warned by my parents, in a very my-parents-manner, that even though it was my mom, who suggested that I contact UPF in the first place, we should watch out for them as UPF is practically a cult (long story, many details, very scary, blahblahblah)...so when we sat there and our UPF conversationists pretty much engulfed our idea and us with their vision and...words, both my 'fellow curator' and I have felt intimidated by the idea of co-operating with UPF, that and the promise of bank money have made it very easy for me and only me, cause nobody else makes decisions in this world apparently, to say no to UPF. I have wrote back to them two weeks ago, but they had no money as the deadline for applying for a fund was end of April...go me!
2--> So, other than rejecting money... I have once again mixed pleasure with business. I have involved the artists and friend that I'm afraid might feel as though they have been cheated by my disorganization... acquaintances, that I have met last year in St Petersburg and would like to have seen more of, cause daym they're talented, and my friend is AWESOME.
My soliloquy is over. May I be redeemed. May all be good. May all my decisions be made with a purpose. May all work out. May we all be friends and live long and prosper. May all be the most beautiful way possible.
Also, why can't Vienna weather get its shit together? Seriously, this has been going long enough and has totally affected the strawberry crops... which is most tragic, cause strawberries don't like to be flooded... so why Vienna, why??? Sun, please be here.
Finally, why are people such whinny bitches (ironic coming from the author of this blog), I actually mean, complicated whinny bitches. So I've been trying to organize this event for the past 3-4 months. It is mean to take place next week and it should involve musicians and poets from St. Petersburg, Kiev and Vienna. Thing is, that for the past 3 months I've been desperately searching for donors: e-mails, phone calls, meetings, me coming to people and proposing this idea... it has been challenging and most definitely had been the milestone in causing my rant about people in general and Austrians in particular. So after all this time we have a budget of about 250 euros and 4 people from the ex-Soviet Union countries to bring to Vienna. Which actually somehow may work. Thing is, I have only realized this brilliance rather late: some of the said participants still need visas, others think of us as billionaires (which we could be, but you know not in terms of the said event).
I feel like I've messed up:
1 --> At the beginning of our adventure, back on April 11th, we had a meeting with two potential investors: Raiffeisenbank representative and UPF- whereas the bank guy was merely curious and found our idea interesting and couldn't finance us, however promised to help and later assured me that he had gotten us a deal with the other bank sector that would easily provide us with money (1 grand, so heaven practically)- didn't happened, instead I have wasted a whole month chasing after them and delusioned myself, in the end received a very bitter and harsh answer that has once blankly and once more indirectly (there were two guys that I have talked to) told me that they were not interested.
UPF, on the other hand, have been very eager to help us from the get go. They offered us 600 euros in exchange for our consultation during a few of their meetings. Now at the time we wanted 1000-1500 euros and most importantly I was warned by my parents, in a very my-parents-manner, that even though it was my mom, who suggested that I contact UPF in the first place, we should watch out for them as UPF is practically a cult (long story, many details, very scary, blahblahblah)...so when we sat there and our UPF conversationists pretty much engulfed our idea and us with their vision and...words, both my 'fellow curator' and I have felt intimidated by the idea of co-operating with UPF, that and the promise of bank money have made it very easy for me and only me, cause nobody else makes decisions in this world apparently, to say no to UPF. I have wrote back to them two weeks ago, but they had no money as the deadline for applying for a fund was end of April...go me!
2--> So, other than rejecting money... I have once again mixed pleasure with business. I have involved the artists and friend that I'm afraid might feel as though they have been cheated by my disorganization... acquaintances, that I have met last year in St Petersburg and would like to have seen more of, cause daym they're talented, and my friend is AWESOME.
My soliloquy is over. May I be redeemed. May all be good. May all my decisions be made with a purpose. May all work out. May we all be friends and live long and prosper. May all be the most beautiful way possible.
суббота, 22 июня 2013 г.
Like a freaken' force field
My trip to Ibiza may or may not have had to cause a slight altering of my friend's and well, my plans, so when we were discussing the possibility of moving our mutual business to after my return she joked that I'd be sleeping for two weeks. Funny, cause I probably will be sleeping A LOT, but not too much! My throat hurts after a crazy boat party... please heal!
пятница, 14 июня 2013 г.
Discipline-perfection?
Patience comes with disciple. I feel like I'm a blob of emotions, colours, energy- everything, a hot désiré of particles, atoms, nuclides... hence, I feel that discipline is the reason I made it that far in life. Sometimes I can relate to a character in my favourite book series: a magician who went crazy because if his overwhelming power and then was rescued from his insanity and forced to find a different version if himself, that other version was enjoyingly obedient to law and order...his so-called 'perfection' was the other side of his insanity.
So this all is about ne being impatient and wanting to have a future something with a guy I met once a week ago...yes.
среда, 12 июня 2013 г.
Summerlove
After training and running around all day, shopping for Ibiza, bringing back books, looking for books, I feel rather tierd...yes! Finally the song I wanted to listen to all day-- SCORE!... so I get super emotional when I look around, summer, nature, BEAUTY!!!! Reminds me of everything great in my life:3
воскресенье, 9 июня 2013 г.
The Argument of Ignorance
People are the most self-obsessed, annoying species. Including myself.
Which would be tolerable if they were at least semi-responsible, or had a sense for responsibility and/or the friendship code- respect for others. I strive to do that. Some people don't. So why am I friends with them?
Why am staying in this country, if it's full of arrogant, selfish people with no respect, no sense of responsibility, no manners?
What to do? Be ready to get a sign that will change my opinion of the choice that I have made. Argument of Ignorance.
суббота, 8 июня 2013 г.
A little about this and that- RUSSIAN, aka, my writting-adventure
Моя вечность пахнет лилово-голубым июльским закатом.
Моя вечность звучит в пронзительном крике первой, неспящей птицы.
Город, вновь оживший под тёплыми лучами солнца и манящей сапфирной бесконечностью.
Лето, нашедшее своё отражение в улыбках прохожих, сладкой клубнике,
Белом вине и лае соседских собак.
В музыке, играющей в красном Ламборджини у пешеходного перехода.
В запотевшей машине, перед чьим-то домом в 2 часа ночи- пока все ещё спят.
В тихих играх.
Моя вечность засыпает, когда последний бродяга находит свой путь домой,
А просыпается с первыми лучами солнца.
У моей вечности пронзительно-синее глаза.
Моя вечность звучит в пронзительном крике первой, неспящей птицы.
Город, вновь оживший под тёплыми лучами солнца и манящей сапфирной бесконечностью.
Лето, нашедшее своё отражение в улыбках прохожих, сладкой клубнике,
Белом вине и лае соседских собак.
В музыке, играющей в красном Ламборджини у пешеходного перехода.
В запотевшей машине, перед чьим-то домом в 2 часа ночи- пока все ещё спят.
В тихих играх.
Моя вечность засыпает, когда последний бродяга находит свой путь домой,
А просыпается с первыми лучами солнца.
У моей вечности пронзительно-синее глаза.
воскресенье, 2 июня 2013 г.
The Cobain syndrome
Objectively speaking, people are fine, interesting, and well even with my 'emotional involvement' I would more often say that I love people. However, I realised that one of the factors that influenced my opinion was that I have distanced myself from the rest of humanity in some sort of way, I guess I'd always imagined myself as a sole particle, so to say... Nevertheless, I have realised that distancing myself from our society isn't at all the best option, after all, I my current existence is here.
So, having said that, recent events have made me more hostile towards certain humans and humanity in general, well more like indifferent to humanity and let's face it, some people are just assholes and yes, I know that this isn't news to anyone, but I always have a thing for seeing the best in people, why? I have no idea. Yet, even if a certain someone does prove to be an asshole after my kind evaluation of his/her character, I still believe that whatever I did see in them is still there. This bullshit makes me confused, sad and dissatisfied. I honestly feel that humans suck and I don't want much to do with them at times like that. What to do? leave. travel. see the world. read the great Gatsby. listen to music. more music. do more sport.
start a fight club? burn something? maybe a cigarette;) xD
So, having said that, recent events have made me more hostile towards certain humans and humanity in general, well more like indifferent to humanity and let's face it, some people are just assholes and yes, I know that this isn't news to anyone, but I always have a thing for seeing the best in people, why? I have no idea. Yet, even if a certain someone does prove to be an asshole after my kind evaluation of his/her character, I still believe that whatever I did see in them is still there. This bullshit makes me confused, sad and dissatisfied. I honestly feel that humans suck and I don't want much to do with them at times like that. What to do? leave. travel. see the world. read the great Gatsby. listen to music. more music. do more sport.
start a fight club? burn something? maybe a cigarette;) xD
суббота, 1 июня 2013 г.
Graduation
Anyone, who ever comes across this little bad boy and decides to read it, BE WARNED: this is an emotional ramblings blog of a bipolar ADHD, OCD me. Thereby, enter at your own risk. This will probably not be very consistent and will definitely die within the next year... however, my state right now, requires this.
Anywho, it's 04:01 am and the first birds just made that awful sound that reminds you that you have fucked up your sleeping time, that it will soon be, well that it already is morning and that nobody and nothing gives a shit about what it is you're feeling here in your room, that life goes on with or without you, that there ain't no way that the birds will shut up and let you sleep now, so all you have left to do is to suffocate in your room with the window closed.
It's the beginning of new life. yes. indeed.
Recent events obviously have been rather encouraging to the development of thought processes inside my head. A few years I ago I used to love the sound of birds singing. What changed? Well, obviously me. People don't change? Bullshit. They do. Of course it depends on the person, but I know that not only do I change from year to year, but I also change from minute to minute.
What am I now? A lost, insensitive, abusive blodge of anger, sentimentality and contradiction. What is there to do? Time will show.
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Anywho, it's 04:01 am and the first birds just made that awful sound that reminds you that you have fucked up your sleeping time, that it will soon be, well that it already is morning and that nobody and nothing gives a shit about what it is you're feeling here in your room, that life goes on with or without you, that there ain't no way that the birds will shut up and let you sleep now, so all you have left to do is to suffocate in your room with the window closed.
It's the beginning of new life. yes. indeed.
Recent events obviously have been rather encouraging to the development of thought processes inside my head. A few years I ago I used to love the sound of birds singing. What changed? Well, obviously me. People don't change? Bullshit. They do. Of course it depends on the person, but I know that not only do I change from year to year, but I also change from minute to minute.
What am I now? A lost, insensitive, abusive blodge of anger, sentimentality and contradiction. What is there to do? Time will show.
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