uprising

Спасибо тебе за вчерашний вечер, ты мне на самом деле очень помог, найти себя, наверное.
Я приняла те решения, сделала то, что уже давно нужно было сделать. Поняла нечто, что как раз сейчас мне и нужно знать. И теперь я опять свободна, если это так можно сказать... надолго ли? Надеюсь что да. Это немного напоминает обещание курильщика завязать. Только я не играю в "Алкоголика" и даже когда моя анестезия пройдет, я справлюсь с этой ломкой, чтобы дальше быть легче.

Games

Aaaand I think I'm pms-ing, yay! That time of the month when everything is blurry and wet. My recent urge to heal has pit my daily yoga and sport endeavors on halt. In fact there also has been a day when I haven't even read.. that made me depressed.
Today I gave in my exam with a note that said "please don't grade" which is fine, since our professor announced that such is possible in the beginning of our exam. I got scared. This is my second and last try- well, not anymore, I still have a try remaining since this one didn't count.
I wrote the exam, answered all the questions I could- most. But the amount of integrals scared me, a lot.
Then I got scared about everything. I'm not sure if I'm on the right path, I'm scared of failing. Of feeling worthless. My friend's mom once said to her " you didn't get your driving licence, you didn't pass a single exam...do you even have a boyfriend?" Neither of us do.
What is wrong? I suppose that the case with me is just that I'm not motivated to learn, I don't know how to and I'm not motivated to go to uni and do things there. Why? Well, what for? Physics research is the most interesting thing that there is out there, but until I get there what do I do? Why? I can't say that I have a huge great goal, I just thought that physics is fun.
I should think about this tomorrow.

"A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use"- Don Juan

Conscious inertia

Иногда бывает как-то холодно...
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-Кэп

I am a dreamer.
I love life, I love living life and being present here. I spend loads of time doing things that interest me. However, I keep on realising that I am thinking a lot about some one-individual's life, paying attention to it and imagining our next meeting, or conversation. Doing things, as if I'd like that individual to see them. When the worst comes to worst, I observe the details in the photos, published on social networks to put together the puzzle, that is the social event that I wasn't present at. To recreate that moment that I could have been a part of.

I feel that a lot of the above nonsense deprives my present of, me. I live days only 60% here, on average. Although most of my day is directed at self development, I feel like there's something I'm missing. Although, that's not true.
I don't really feel that, I am perfectly awesome with the way things are.

высокоактивный социопат

Я не знаю на сколько разумно что-либо сейчас здесь публиковать, я знаю что я три-два дня не пала ночью, я знаю что из-за этого я потеряла какое-либо чувство пространства. я хочу спать и хочу моего Вершителя со мной рядом. Да будет всё сделано!