Islands, night time

"Where would I be
If this were to go under
It's a risk I'd take
I'm froze by desire
As if a choice I'd make

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore"
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So today is the day that I am meant to leave to an amazing mountain lake--> different city, different country, without the people. Ayayayayaya....! I cant say that I was whelmed at the thought of spending 5 days of  my-anyway-not-so-long-vacation-here  elsewhere away from the people, but now it's just not something I want to do.. and partially due to my ruined plans for the day: I was meant to meet a few people, go see places, do things and thereby, be ok with leaving for a bit to regenerate.  HOWEVER, the bosses have decided, that sitting in two different homes for freaking shitton of hours is a much better idea- I will be nearby, you see. Yes, Im a fuck up with no respect for  no one and dont see the meaning of anything, but my 'help' might be needed- BULLSHIT! I did, nothing! cause there was nothing to do!!!!! So I fucked up my plans, was dragged into a  series of arguments, that have made me feel as though the people that Im leaving with are, lets say, not suitable company-or more so Im not suitable company- and in the end of the day I'm feeling as though Im forcing myself to do something. But am I? In a way the near future: no alcohol, fresh air, sleep- all sounds good, but I dont want to leave...I think

Additionally, I want to be needed, to be irreplacable, I'm annoyed with the whole "play it cool, fuck it, yolo" well, not really, cause that's still ait, but it would be good to know that I will be missed, that when I come back my place would still be occupied by me and that I would be thought of. I hope, I wish, I want!

Please, may all be great! I really want something great....! and so  the tears return