Hello, Friend

So apparently I need to make actual notes of things that happened during the day to on one hand not fall into another abyss of self- degradation and, on the other, to learn from my "mistakes".

So dear me, diary, reader, friend,

Today I got out from another sociopathic depression state. Learning points:
1- you let yourself slip into the retarded state after going into a complete panic state at your exercise test.
2- the panic state was caused by the exaggerated importance of the test, which in turn was caused by your lack of knowledge about the grading scheme of the exercises.
3- the grading scheme is a lot more easy going than expected.

Conclusion: always check the grading criteria!

How did you get out of the sociopathic depression state:

¤By doing physics exercises, by attending the exercise class and understanding the exercises.

¤By being very interested in physics and finally understing how much I can do with my new mathematical knowledge and physics.

Finally you asked someone for a reference letter today, for the first time in person, not just "someone" but a one of your teachers and got a positive reply.

Learning points:
Go for it, no matter how cripplingly nervous you are.